♥ma.chicka.girl♥ asked:
I know I’ve asked a lot of questions like these before but it’s beginning to drive me insane. Basically I’m going to tell you the story and hopefully you can help:
I’ve always loved children (I have six younger siblings, volunteer in a birthing center, teach Sunday school, nursery duty, and babysit), but recently I’ve been really wanting a child. I’m still a teenager, but ‘mature’ for my age (people have guessed me to be four years older than I really am because of my age), and know a lot of what I want out of life. One of those things, is obviously, a child. I would rather sooner than later but because I’m only a teenager I’m trying to hold it off. I have other hobbies, other than being with children, such as writing, baking, crocheting (baby blankets unfortunately), volunteering at my local hospital’s birthing center, and a few other things. I don’t have a whole lot of friends, but that’s because I’m ahead a grade, home schooled, and not too many people think I’m normal
ha ha. Anyways, I was thinking today, and I know that I want to be a writer (I’m working on a few different novels and trying to get published currently), and that I was kids (once again; obviously) but the thing is; I’m writing right now. I don’t have to wait to be an ‘adult’ like I do for a child. I know I’m not like other teenagers, I don’t have sex, would rather spend my evening at home writing and making blankets then out at a football game, and I honestly love going to church and being with the people there, but still when I think to it, I would just be over-joyed to have a child. I just love being with children and babies so much that having one of my own would be like writing a story–I know not as easy (I’ve been through the night screaming, puke cleaning up, diaper changing, feedings, et cetera) but I think I’d get the same thrill of taking care of a child that I get when I’m writing. I have a lot of siblings (ten) and sometimes I feel like my parents want to control me, so I kind of feel like this is an act of rebellion, but I don’t think it is I think I honestly just want a child. Most people say don’t do it, you’re throwing your life away, but like I said: I have a few friends that I actually ever hang out with, and would rather spend my evenings at home than out at a football or basketball game. I know I’m probably being stupid, but I just wanted your overall opinion. I’m not going to try and get pregnant, I don’t believe in *** before marriage, but I just don’t want to feel like this anymore. I’m around babies and children as much as I can to try and satisfy myself but it just never goes away and it’s starting to make me depressed. I can’t talk to a therapist or my parents about it, because my parents would never understand, and we probably can’t afford a therapist… what should I do? I don’t like feeling so depressed, and unfortunately, I’ve started to even write stories about young mothers making their ways, and imagining myself as one. I know; it’s all stupid, but does anyone have an advice other than telling me not to do it? Because obviously I can’t– I’m single, don’t believe in *** before marriage, and don’t even have my license yet, and I keep telling myself that I can wait, but, well you know what I said Thanks for all of the help, I really appreciate it(:
P.s. Before anyone says anything about money, I know the costs of raising a child! I’m super savvy too, just like my mama taught me, and could make it through(:
I know I’ve asked a lot of questions like these before but it’s beginning to drive me insane. Basically I’m going to tell you the story and hopefully you can help:
I’ve always loved children (I have six younger siblings, volunteer in a birthing center, teach Sunday school, nursery duty, and babysit), but recently I’ve been really wanting a child. I’m still a teenager, but ‘mature’ for my age (people have guessed me to be four years older than I really am because of my age), and know a lot of what I want out of life. One of those things, is obviously, a child. I would rather sooner than later but because I’m only a teenager I’m trying to hold it off. I have other hobbies, other than being with children, such as writing, baking, crocheting (baby blankets unfortunately), volunteering at my local hospital’s birthing center, and a few other things. I don’t have a whole lot of friends, but that’s because I’m ahead a grade, home schooled, and not too many people think I’m normal
ha ha. Anyways, I was thinking today, and I know that I want to be a writer (I’m working on a few different novels and trying to get published currently), and that I was kids (once again; obviously) but the thing is; I’m writing right now. I don’t have to wait to be an ‘adult’ like I do for a child. I know I’m not like other teenagers, I don’t have sex, would rather spend my evening at home writing and making blankets then out at a football game, and I honestly love going to church and being with the people there, but still when I think to it, I would just be over-joyed to have a child. I just love being with children and babies so much that having one of my own would be like writing a story–I know not as easy (I’ve been through the night screaming, puke cleaning up, diaper changing, feedings, et cetera) but I think I’d get the same thrill of taking care of a child that I get when I’m writing. I have a lot of siblings (ten) and sometimes I feel like my parents want to control me, so I kind of feel like this is an act of rebellion, but I don’t think it is I think I honestly just want a child. Most people say don’t do it, you’re throwing your life away, but like I said: I have a few friends that I actually ever hang out with, and would rather spend my evenings at home than out at a football or basketball game. I know I’m probably being stupid, but I just wanted your overall opinion. I’m not going to try and get pregnant, I don’t believe in *** before marriage, but I just don’t want to feel like this anymore. I’m around babies and children as much as I can to try and satisfy myself but it just never goes away and it’s starting to make me depressed. I can’t talk to a therapist or my parents about it, because my parents would never understand, and we probably can’t afford a therapist… what should I do? I don’t like feeling so depressed, and unfortunately, I’ve started to even write stories about young mothers making their ways, and imagining myself as one. I know; it’s all stupid, but does anyone have an advice other than telling me not to do it? Because obviously I can’t– I’m single, don’t believe in *** before marriage, and don’t even have my license yet, and I keep telling myself that I can wait, but, well you know what I said Thanks for all of the help, I really appreciate it(:P.s. Before anyone says anything about money, I know the costs of raising a child! I’m super savvy too, just like my mama taught me, and could make it through(:
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please please please wait. At least until you are settled in a good stable career, and married.
I’m sorry, but you haven’t lived long enough to know your lifelong destination. You should go to college, and see what other things in life are out there to offer you. You are young right now and you can’t see past what you want right now. If you wait until you are married preferably, (or with the person you will be with for life), have a job that more than just pays for the bills, and are emotionally stable enough to provide your baby with everything it needs, especially a stable home with 2 people in it. You will look back when you are 25 or so and think how little you actually know at your age. I promise you that. I do admire that you recognize that you realize having a baby is not a good idea and at your age, alot of girls want a baby to have something to love. But babies just don’t give unconditional love, they are work, and then more work. Not just for a night here and there, but for life.
I don’t care how savvy you are, you have no idea the cost of raising a child until you are raising one and having to come up with money yourself. Why would u just want to make it through? Why not want BETTER than just getting by and making it through. Wouldn’t your child deserve more? You deserve more. You can’t even get to a job by yourself now. Would we, the tax payers have to help pay for your child? More than likely yes. Teenage mothers end up on WIC, Food stamps, Medicaid, and whatever other aid they qualify for. Which I’m not against. If that’s the best you can hope for than I wish you the best.
if your parents cant afford a therapist they cant afford your child either and i don’t think you would be able to either because your a teenage but i want a kid to and im 15 but im going to wait until i can rely on myself to support it.
A lot of times the strong desire to have a child in a teen stems from wanting unconditional love that they sometimes feel lacking in their lives from their family and friends, and the way you describe your situation that certainly sounds like it could be the case.
Your school counsellor can help you – and it’s confidential, your parents will not find out. If that doesn’t seem like an option, try your minister (or especially if there’s a youth minister you can talk to), who are also not allowed to tell your parents anything you say.
Is there a counselor or trusted adult at school you could speak to? Also, a lot of communities do actually have government run therapy offices and things like that. Someone like a school counselor or even your family doctor might be able to help you find some help like that if you tell them that you’re experiencing depression. I am very glad to hear that you’re smart enough to know that now is not the right time in your life for you to begin a family. I wish you all the best.
You need to seek help. No teen needs to be depressed because she wants a baby and can’t have one yet.
PS: If you can’t afford a therapist to talk to you (as you stated in your post) then you can’t afford a baby. Think about that. If you were truly savvy, then you would find the means to get yourself mental help.
Please don’t have a child. Not now. Just wait. Honestly, I had the same feelings, but once I had a pregnancy scare, it really was a scare.
Plus, you mentioned you do not believe in sex before marriage. So you want to get married first. Well, there is another issue. In most states (Idk about specifics, but I do know the general idea) is that you cannot be married unless the people in the relationship are 18. Otherwise your parents need to sign a form, and even then, it needs to be passed by the court system. So, by any logical way, you cant have a child yet, not within your moral boundaries.
And to agree with anyone else, seriously, seek medical help. Your horomones are out of control at this age, and with that comes the intense desire to be a mother. Not good! Get help. Don’t have a child if you can’t afford to live by yourself and see to your own needs. If you can’t afford that and some personal whims of yours, you can’t afford a kid.
That said, WAIT!